Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
