We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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