worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
