so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
