If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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