She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
