Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
