Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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