It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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