They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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