Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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