I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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