i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
