How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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