I want you more than these girls want KFC
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
FUCK WHALES
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
