hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
