i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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