i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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