Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
