I cannot find my penis.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
