I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
