I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
