I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
