Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize