I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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