Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
