Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize