so that wasnt chicken after all
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
