Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
