I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
