Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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