I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
