We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i think im in europe. pls send help
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
