Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize