we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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