i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
