as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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