the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
her facebook's as public as her vagina
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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