My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
