He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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