well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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