I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
