I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
