Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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