My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
