i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
