I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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