He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
