I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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