:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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