omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
