Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
