The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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