You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
