i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
