My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
