Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
