Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
