so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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