youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
