You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
