hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
