I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
