She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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