that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize