i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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