Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
