And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
