i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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