so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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