best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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