i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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