Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
whose parrot is this?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
