found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize