okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
