I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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