Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The best revenge is premature balding
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
