90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize