Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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