i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I am available for nakedness
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
